Co-parenting during the holidays can be challenging for many divorced or separated parents. Holidays are meant to be a time of joy, celebration, and family togetherness, but for co-parents, these occasions often bring extra stress. Dividing time between households, managing the children’s expectations, and ensuring that both parents have meaningful time with the kids can become overwhelming.

To make the holiday season smoother for everyone involved, it’s important to plan ahead, communicate effectively, and prioritize the children’s well-being. Here are some survival strategies that can help co-parents navigate the holidays while fostering a positive environment for their children.

1. Start Planning Early

The earlier you begin planning your holiday schedule, the easier it will be to avoid last-minute conflicts. Sit down with your co-parent well in advance of the holiday season to discuss schedules, traditions, and expectations. Review any existing parenting agreements or court orders that address holiday time and make adjustments if necessary.

Early planning ensures both parents have time to make necessary accommodations, whether it’s scheduling work around the holidays or making travel plans. It also allows both parties to discuss what’s best for the children without the pressure of an approaching holiday deadline.

2. Stick to the Parenting Plan

If your divorce or separation agreement includes a parenting plan that outlines how holidays should be split, do your best to adhere to it. Courts put these plans in place to create clear guidelines and minimize conflict. Deviating from the plan without prior discussion or agreement can cause unnecessary tension and set a negative precedent for future holidays.

If the parenting plan needs to be modified for any reason, communicate openly with your co-parent about the necessary changes. Keeping each other informed and respecting the agreement shows good faith and helps build trust.

3. Be Flexible When Necessary

While sticking to the plan is important, being flexible can go a long way toward reducing stress for both parents and children. If unexpected events arise or one parent has an important opportunity to spend additional time with the kids, try to be accommodating. Flexibility shows that you’re putting your children’s happiness ahead of rigid scheduling.

For example, if one parent wants to take the kids to a special family gathering, consider adjusting the schedule to make it happen. As long as both parents work together and respect each other’s time with the children, occasional flexibility can foster a more harmonious co-parenting relationship.

4. Focus on the Children’s Best Interests

Holidays can be emotionally charged, especially after a separation or divorce. It’s natural for parents to want to spend as much time as possible with their children during these special times. However, it’s crucial to remember that the holidays are about the children, not the parents.

If conflicts arise, always ask yourself what is best for your children. Will they benefit from spending Christmas Eve with one parent and Christmas Day with the other? Would they enjoy celebrating two Thanksgiving dinners in different homes? Prioritize their happiness and stability over any personal desires.

Avoid putting children in the middle of any disagreements. Shield them from adult conflicts and make the holidays about creating joyful memories together, regardless of where they spend the day.

5. Coordinate Gift-Giving

Gift-giving during the holidays can easily become a source of tension if parents don’t communicate about their plans. Avoid the awkward situation of buying duplicate gifts or one parent overshadowing the other with extravagant purchases. Instead, work together to coordinate your gift-giving strategy.

Discuss what kinds of gifts are appropriate, set a budget if necessary, and agree on whether you’ll give joint or separate gifts. By cooperating, you can ensure that the focus remains on the children’s enjoyment of the holiday rather than on any competition between parents.

6. Create New Traditions

While it’s natural to want to maintain old holiday traditions, separation often requires creating new ones. This can be an opportunity to develop fresh, fun traditions that your children will look forward to in both households.

Perhaps one parent can establish a tradition of baking cookies on Christmas Eve while the other takes the kids ice skating on New Year’s Day. Find ways to make each holiday special, no matter where the children spend their time.

7. Keep Communication Open

Effective communication is key to successful co-parenting at any time, but it’s especially crucial during the holidays. Keep your co-parent informed about any changes to the schedule, travel plans, or holiday events. Be clear about pick-up and drop-off times, and make sure both parents are on the same page. This can reduce misunderstandings and create a written record of agreements, which may help avoid future disputes.

8. Involve Extended Family

For many families, the holidays are a time for extended family gatherings. If grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins are an important part of your children’s holiday experience, try to find ways to involve them without disrupting the co-parenting schedule.

Coordinate with your co-parent about when and how extended family can visit or when the children will participate in family events. If both sides of the family want to see the kids, work out a plan that accommodates everyone, ensuring that the children have time to bond with both sets of relatives.

9. Remember That No Holiday Is Perfect

It’s easy to put pressure on yourself and your family to create a perfect holiday experience, but remember that no holiday is without its hiccups. Accepting that there may be small disappointments or unforeseen challenges can take some of the pressure off.

Focus on creating happy memories with your children rather than striving for perfection. Whether you’re able to spend the entire holiday together or split time between households, the most important thing is making the time you do have meaningful and filled with love.

Celebrate Together, The Right Way

Co-parenting during the holidays doesn’t have to be stressful. By planning ahead, communicating effectively, and putting the children’s needs first, you can create a holiday experience that is joyful and harmonious for everyone. If you have concerns about how co-parenting will work with your custody agreement this holiday season, you can talk to Joseph R. Zoucha, Attorney & Counselor at Law, to learn how to create a parenting agreement that works for your whole family.